Parish Snippets
(Courtesy of the Daily Telegraph)

From East Window Chelmsford Diocesan Monthly:
"Harp recital. Rickets at door £5."

From the Derbyshire Times:
"Gravedigger. Must have the ability to work on own and meet deadlines."

From the Thornham Parish Magazine:
"The mighty cod and creator of this vast universe…."

From the Kent Messenger:
"On Wednesday, St Michael the Archangel celebrates Holy Communion at 8 pm."

Instructions issued at a Gloucestershire wedding:
"Would you please wait until the couple have left the church grounds before throwing anything at them."

From the Taw Valley Post:
"A Northants vicar sees a mobile mast atop his church spire as a god little earner".

From the newsletter of Hillmorton Parish Church:
"Christian Fayre. A good chance to get rid of anything unwanted. Bring your husbands."

From the Oxford Times:
"Steeple Aston Choral Society presents Bach cantatas Ein Feste Burg and Ich habe Genug and other seasonal motels…."

Notice in the parish magazine of Frating with Thorrington:
"Weight Watchers will meet at 7pm. Please use large double doors at the side entrance."

From the Solihull Times:
"The bride was given away by her brother John Roberts wearing a traditional cream dress."

From the Brecon and Radnor Express:
"The Messiah will come to Brecon Cathedral next Saturday in a final bid to raise money for the town's hospital."

From the Wakefield Express:
"The latest concert in the With Bras and Voices series at Wakefield Cathedral takes place on Saturday."

From a 'Millennium Prayer Card' supplied by a national company of church furnishers. "We kneel before your manager, Lord Jesus….."

From a sign at St Mark's Church Hall, Farnborough:
"Nearly new baby sale. Saturday 10-12."

From the Costessey Parish Magazine:
"Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones."

From the programme of St Margaret's Church, West Hoathly, Sussex:
"A special mission service….bring a fiend or neighbour."

From the programme of St Margaret's Church, West Hoathly, Sussex:
"A special mission service….bring a fiend or neighbour."

From the parish magazine of St Bartholomew's, New Wortley:
"Thank you to the Church Officer, the sewers, the cleaners and all who help to make this coming month so special."

From the Sands Methodist Church Newsletter:
"Prayer meetings every week on alternate Wednesday evenings."

From the Perthshire Advertiser:
"83 members of Aschaffenburgh Kantorei will sin in St John's and in St Cuthbert's Church."

From a newsletter for the Parish of St Matthew, Perry Beeches:
"Young Christians will meet this Wednesday at 7.30pm at the Vicarage to take advantage of Michael."